Above you can see a picture that has become one of my own personal favorites. I took the picture on a busy street in Lagos. I remember how I stopped to ask the lady if it is alright that I take a picture of her and her baby. After I took the pictures, I thanked the lady and quickly put away my camera to continued down the street to catch up with my friend that was already far ahead. Now afterwards it has been bothering me that I did not take the opportunity to talk to the lady a bit more.
While traveling in “non-western countries” (in search for a better word), I try to talk to local people and ask them about their life, their thoughts and perceptions of things. Unfortunately, when trying to talk to a person from an obviously different background, I feel I can’t always have the conversation I would like to have. I guess you can say I feel some kind of cultural barrier or that I am culturally clumsy in that context. I try to come up with a topic that is understandable for both of us, but I am at the same time scared I will say something that will intimidate or cause misunderstandings.
The women I have been able to have any kind of longer discussions with have either themselves traveled a lot or/and were highly educated. I have also experienced that if I ask too many questions, especially women, seem to suspect that I am a nosy journalist that will write bad things about them and put their picture on the font page of some newspaper. Unfortunately I have also many times found myself in a situation where people would have been very happy to talk to me if I would have paid them first…
The few occasions where I have had the privilege to have a conversation with local women was for example when I bought bangles from a lady in a corner shop in Hyderabad. The lady asked me why my husband can’t afford to buy me my bangles. Another occasion was in Nigeria where I was asked if I am allowed to choose my husband myself, and if my parents would approve of me marrying a muslin man. The questions might seem a bit funny from my point of view, but it is exactly these kinds of conversations that I want to have. Conversations where peoples questions reflect their values and perceptions of life.
Unfortunately the conversations I have had with local women have often been cut quite short. This was also the case with the Indian lady mentioned above. The lady ended the conversation with a surprised face, after me answering that I actually do not have a husband. She mumbled something that she thinks my parents should be more active in finding me a rich man to take care of me. I guess this is what they call cross cultural encounters.
Please also read my earlier post about Nigeria.
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